Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
