Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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