You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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