im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
