Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
