i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
