I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
