I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
