...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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