If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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