Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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