I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
