Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize