dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
