I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
