you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
