Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
