I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The uberlube is also flammable
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
