Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
