My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
