I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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