There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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