Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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