"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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