Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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