dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
