go do what you do best...puke behind churches
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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