my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
