i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
