Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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