the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
