I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
