I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
