awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
