So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
