"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
