I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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