Non-Jews are for practice
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
