we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
