Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
