dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
