Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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