Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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