honey bunches of taint.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
