my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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