wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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