Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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