well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She needs sedatives and a leash
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
