Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
