glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
