Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
