I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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