I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
