Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
