considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Randomize
