Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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