So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
