ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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