It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
