So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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