I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
