What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
