Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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