I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
