Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize