Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
