Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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