So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
