Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
