I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
