the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
