another moral hangover. fuck.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
