He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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