so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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